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This Is A Custom Widget

This Sliding Bar can be switched on or off in theme options, and can take any widget you throw at it or even fill it with your custom HTML Code. Its perfect for grabbing the attention of your viewers. Choose between 1, 2, 3 or 4 columns, set the background color, widget divider color, activate transparency, a top border or fully disable it on desktop and mobile.

This Is A Custom Widget

This Sliding Bar can be switched on or off in theme options, and can take any widget you throw at it or even fill it with your custom HTML Code. Its perfect for grabbing the attention of your viewers. Choose between 1, 2, 3 or 4 columns, set the background color, widget divider color, activate transparency, a top border or fully disable it on desktop and mobile.

This Is A Custom Widget

This Sliding Bar can be switched on or off in theme options, and can take any widget you throw at it or even fill it with your custom HTML Code. Its perfect for grabbing the attention of your viewers. Choose between 1, 2, 3 or 4 columns, set the background color, widget divider color, activate transparency, a top border or fully disable it on desktop and mobile.

This Is A Custom Widget

This Sliding Bar can be switched on or off in theme options, and can take any widget you throw at it or even fill it with your custom HTML Code. Its perfect for grabbing the attention of your viewers. Choose between 1, 2, 3 or 4 columns, set the background color, widget divider color, activate transparency, a top border or fully disable it on desktop and mobile.

This Is A Custom Widget

This Sliding Bar can be switched on or off in theme options, and can take any widget you throw at it or even fill it with your custom HTML Code. Its perfect for grabbing the attention of your viewers. Choose between 1, 2, 3 or 4 columns, set the background color, widget divider color, activate transparency, a top border or fully disable it on desktop and mobile.

This Is A Custom Widget

This Sliding Bar can be switched on or off in theme options, and can take any widget you throw at it or even fill it with your custom HTML Code. Its perfect for grabbing the attention of your viewers. Choose between 1, 2, 3 or 4 columns, set the background color, widget divider color, activate transparency, a top border or fully disable it on desktop and mobile.
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When Smartphones Kill: A Qingming Holiday Safety Special

By | 2017-11-07T07:49:32+00:00 April 3rd, 2017|Categories: LB Comix, Stories|Tags: , , |

1lovebanginterviewingwithyanwang

Hello folks and happy Tombsweeping Holiday! Have you ever wondered what you’ll be in YOUR next life? Well today we’ve got an exclusive interview with Yánwáng, a.k.a. The King of Hell, a.k.a. the dude on those 500rmb Hell Money notes that your favorite Āyí is burning right now. He’s the judge down there in Hades. When you die, he decides whether you’ll spend eternity digging for cans of dog food that you can’t even eat because your throat is swollen shut OR get reincarnated as a beautiful flower, or an astronaut, or even a turtle! He’s actually a really nice guy.

Anyway, I was planning to ask him about the newest tech and F&B trends down in hell – like hey, do they have vegan options in the staff cafeteria these days? Are they still playing EDM in the torture chambers? But Yanwang didn’t wanna discuss any of that. He’s all stressed out because folks keep dying in cell phone accidents and he’s overworked trying to sort out their souls for afterliving.

 

Yanwang The King of Hell and His Holiday Presentation on Smartphone Safety

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Hai Shifu: Hey Yanwang, thanks a lot for taking the time to help us fill a hole for topical holiday content.

Yanwang: Thanks for having me, and I’m sorry you caught me at such a bad time. You know, I used to love my job, but ever since the third or fourth wave of smartphones, our immigration department has just been a clusterfuck. Folks falling into manholes and getting eaten by rats… folks getting eaten by escalators… We’re backed up for like MONTHS, man.

And these souls – I don’t even know how to judge them anymore, and Netherworld OS9.3 can’t read their LifeFiles. (Hey Tony in software – hope you’re reading this – would it kill you to write a fucking patch, man?). It’s like they were already dead before they even died. They’re all stuck on this three-second cassette loop, just flickering the last three seconds before their death.

Let tell you about some of these souls I keep seeing down here.

 

1. The Ones Who Drove and Swiped GOODBYE

 

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Yanwang: Ohhhhh! Vivian just liked your WeChat Moment. A dog just followed you on Instagram! BOOM! CRASH INTO A RIVER OF BLOOD. I see these cases all the time.

 

2. The Bathtub KOL

 

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Yanwang: Silk The Shocker! …I just thought folks knew this was a bad idea? Especially when they got the 10rmb charger from the uncle at the sock shop.

 

3. The BBQ Face Brunch Special

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Yanwang: See, a lot of folks worry about the number four. That’s crazy. What they need to worry about is talking on the damn phone when it’s plugged in the wall.

 

4. The Rooftoppers

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Yanwang: Oh god. I can’t. “Chasing Rooftops.” Why. You think taking a selfie hanging off a building makes you look hard?? You know what’s harder? The ground.

Play it safe.

Love Bang Anti Shouji Shouji Club

I could go on and on about the girl who was Face-Timing on her Mobike and swerved in front of a tuna fish truck, or the dude that got lost on his GPS trying to find In N’ Out and wandered into ISIS territory, but my point is, we’re like, really backed up down here in the netherworld, so please just do us all a favor and don’t be a statistic. And remember – eat all your rice. You don’t wanna be a hungry ghost.

– Yanwang, a.k.a. Yama

 

***

 

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You Sound Girly AF When You Speak Mandarin

By | 2017-11-07T07:49:32+00:00 March 7th, 2017|Categories: LB Comix, Stories|Tags: |

lovebangrabbitinabar

Foreign dudes are always trying to holler at me. I just have that look. And one move that gets them rejected every single time is when they come at me with some girly-ass Mandarin.

When you drop that “Duì a!” or say some shit like, “Nǐ sì bù sì Sànghǎirén?” I can already tell what you’re all about. I know your history. I know what kind of folks you’ve been hanging around these last few years while you’ve been finding yourself in China.

It’s not happening honey.

But to help you in life, in business, and in love, I’m gonna school you on six ways to avoid sounding so damn soft when you’re trying to spit some huà. Of course, if you want to sound like a Taiwanese Princess, that’s on you, but it’s weird and confusing when you’re supposedly straight.

LoveBangMandarinRules1

Worst. You don’t live in “Zōngsān Gōngyuán” – you live in “Zhōngshān gōngyuán”. And no, we’re never going to “yīqǐ cìfan”. Now go home and watch some TF Boys videos. Bye.

 

LoveBangMandarinRules2

You probably learned those phrases like “Wǒ è sǐle” and “Wǒ xiǎng sǐ nǐle” from Vivian at the English corner. Forget them like you forget her..

 

LoveBangMandarinRules3

Dudes saying “Duì a” is a major turnoff. You’re much better off just saying “duì” or “N.” (Or just say nothing at all and silently affirm like a cab driver).

 

LoveBangMandarinRules4

Not even once. Zhīdàole o?

 

LoveBangMandarinRules5

One time this investment banker bro told me, “Bùyào zèyàng la!” and I spit my drink in his face.

 

LoveBangMandarinRules6

Not if you’re a grown-ass man arguing with a bǎo’ān about where you can park your scooter. PS I don’t wanna ride on your scooter and I hope the cops take it.

 

bonus

Nine times out of ten, you’re dropping terms like “lǜchá biǎo” two years too late and way out of context. Stop trying.

Look honey, I’m just telling you what everyone else is too polite to tell you. Believe me, I’m not the only one who feels like this. Real sisters, you know what I’m talking about.

– Relationship Counselor Rabbit

xx

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